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This is a theme in therapy these past couple weeks. I have been having a very hard time opening up to people, letting them know when I need help and even when I need support. I can tell people when I need space, but never when I am feeling weak. Part of that to me feels like I am scared to feel that I need help or that I will not be loved if I am looking or being presented as weak. Asking for help is not a weakness I am learning but a strength. I have been going through the u

This is such an interesting journal prompt. When I was at my lowest, what kept me alive. Well there are different versions of me who have been at their own lowest right. I will not talk about anything too triggering in this, but there needs to be the truth in this as well. There will be talks of suicide and other mental health struggles. My first lowest I can remember and can speak to about is my suicide attempt and what I was going through around that. I have been self harmi

A lot of people seem to be surprised when I tell them a bit about my recent history. "Oh wow, are you okay" I usually get- a lot. yes of course, I am on the other side of the mountain that was me. There is a lot of relationships that end this way, with families or significant others. For me I had two pretty big endings last year. Both coming to the point where I feel I am in my closure point of it. The disrespect at the end was louder than any good memory we ever had...that i

AH.. I know today will be a heavy post. Dreading writing for the first time today. I do have a lot of grief on my plate. I will be water and let the emotions flow through me. In order to let go, I have to acknowledge what I am struggling with. The lesson of today is to stop running from grief, so this post is about looking it dead in the eyes and telling it exactly how it made me feel. How life has made me feel. To the hurt. You sit heavy on my chest a lot of the time. I feel

I know the title is dramatic, and I definitely can be at times so humor me. What is something I wish I could say to my parents... this is something that has been on my mind a lot lately. With therapy, my brother and his wife having a child soon, family has been something that is really at the top of my mind lately. In therapy yesterday, I talked a lot about how I do not have a sense of belonging in my family- that it makes me feel alone in my every day life due to that. I hav

I am honestly the happiest I have ever been. Please believe me that I have only really cried out of joy lately. Happiness with my roommate, while on walks with friends, in my room thinking about where I am at in life and honestly it is such a beautiful experience. I have had a lot of time where the feelings were the opposite. Whenever people see me lately, or meet me- I get comments about how my light is there, that I seem to have found my inner peace, a lot about how good of

What's the most painful thing I've ever been told? There was something that my siblings and I talked about recently that really hit me to my core. We were playing we aren't really strangers, talking about our childhood and my brother mentioned something one of my aunts told him. "Once your parents got a divorce, the four of us met to talk about how we were going to handle it and with your dad- we decided it would be best for all of us if we separated ourselves from your famil

Life is really a rollercoaster, isn't it? It has such a way of ensuring that you can feel every feeling. This past 24 hours has been something different for me. I went to a mentorship event yesterday looking for answers on what I should be doing with my business. I have honestly struggled a lot with what I should be doing since graduating. My struggle with putting all of this together is my imposter syndrome. I am my own worst enemy a lot of the time. With the mentorship even

Happy Earth Day Friends! May you find time to be outside today, pick up trash that you may find on the street and find beauty in the spring that is coming. As we progress from spring teases to a genuine spring/early summer. The Earth is reminding us to plant the seeds that we want to see this year. The ground has thawed, so your thoughts are ready to have input again to see what you'd like to see in this year. What seeds should you think about planting? Think about your psych

Growing up my parents always threatened me that "someday when I am a parent I will understand". That one day I will have to experience the girl who I am but in child form. I don't know if I ever want kids. Truly. I think with the way the world is going it is a little scary of a thought to bring a child into this world. I also don't know if I could mentally handle the physical changes that happen to my body when carrying a baby. This image has been sitting in my phone for over

Unlearning your own toxic patterns is a form of self-care. Seeing this line made me want to create a blog post. It is one of the most true statements that I have read in a long time. In order to heal yourself and truly care for yourself- you do need to unlearn your toxic patterns. One thing that I have been doing really well at lately, was changing the way I talk about myself. I used to be very negative about myself, about the things that I do, and the way that I look. My neg

This past week I have experienced some tremendous growth and I am going to shout out the earth for that one. I truly have been able to experience all my emotions this week, not letting them control me and not really having OCD symptoms. Overall it has been a really great growth month. I finished up my OCD training and I am not quite sure if it helped or not but at the end of the day I noticed a lot of growth and I am going to take that as a win. I went to see RuPaul DJ at t

Prompt #229 Use the following sentence as the opening line of a short story: The flowers died on Monday. The flowers died on Monday. They were the last thing that I have to remember you by. The memory of you slowly started to fade with each peddle drying. I should have done more to preserve them, to take care of them- to keep your memory alive. Whenever I let go a piece of you, they seemed to let go a bit too. Maybe I need to take a note from the flowers, I need to let go of

As some of you know I ran my first ever half marathon at the end of February. It was such an incredible learning experience. Not only because I traveled alone for the first time in my life, a whole trip alone. I learned so much throughout that trip. One thing that I did was meet a lot of incredible people. I got to the race as soon as possible because that is me, early or right on-time! I met a group of 6 people from all over the US and two of them ended up starting the race

This is kind of a book review of Money, and the Law of Attraction by Ester and Jerry Hicks. I have slowly been reading this book and I finally got the chance to dive deep into it and finish. Overall the book has a lot of undertones of religion or a way of life based on teachings. I do like the message that comes with that though. To let go, have optimism and do not think about the things you do not want to happen in your life. These teachings remind us to think about the posi

One of the things that I learned the most throughout the duration of this trip is how much I genuinely love spending time with myself. Photo of rocks surrounding a little steam with moss A lot of people are afraid to spend time with themselves because of the thoughts that they have or anything that makes them uncomfortable. It’s easier to mask that when you’re around other people. When you’re able to spend genuine time with yourself, especially after therapy, it isn’t too bad

Todays prompt is about worth. Who's made you question your worth? Why did you let them? Journal Prompt #72 Who's made you question your worth? Why did you let them? This question is so loaded I honestly do not know where to begin. Self-worth is something that I have been working on for what feels like my entire life to achieve. From what I can remember, I was always compared to my siblings, other people's expectations, and a whole boatload of things. I know we all experience

Todays prompt is about worth. Who's made you question your worth? Why did you let them? This question is so loaded I honestly do not know where to begin. Self-worth is something that I have been working on for what feels like my entire life to achieve. From what I can remember, I was always compared to my siblings, other people's expectations, and a whole boatload of things. I know we all experience this growing up, well, some of us. I started to experience anxiety from overs

your presence, provides me with a sense of calm so comfortable, you feel like home you never fail to draw me in a warm hug, so inviting you bring balance and growth renewal that cannot be quantified only felt when I am with you the connection does not waiver the calmness you bring does me a favor seeing you brings a freshness that we crave thank you for helping me be brave

There was something about this weekend that has me feeling delusional—in the best way. There are some people that are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. There have been a lot of people that have been in my life for a reason, and they have taught me many lessons. People who come for a season often feel as though we needed each other to grow. The people who are in your life for a lifetime are typically seen as family; however, I am more of a chosen family perso