The Curse

Growing up my parents always threatened me that "someday when I am a parent I will understand". That one day I will have to experience the girl who I am but in child form.

I don't know if I ever want kids. Truly. I think with the way the world is going it is a little scary of a thought to bring a child into this world. I also don't know if I could mentally handle the physical changes that happen to my body when carrying a baby.

This image has been sitting in my phone for over a month. The "curse" of having a daughter just like me.

I have always envisioned myself being a boy mom if I had kids. I think I would have an easier time with the pressures of being a mom; however, this picture comes to my mind a lot when I think about that.

How healing would it be to be able to fully love this mini me that experienced all my trauma with me. To allow her to be a child, to allow her to show the world that she is fully just love.

I think that is something that people have a really hard time understanding about me. I love people for the fact that they are just people being their authentic selves. I know my purpose on this planet is to heal my families generational trauma and spread love throughout the world. A "healer" as one may say. Help others around me heal.

To be able to teach a girl that is half me that as well- to show her the love that she deserves, to show her how important it is to believe in the good in the world. That the universe has a plan for her too- if she ever comes to be. Otherwise I am at peace knowing that I won't have a half me child out there.

I mother most people around me. I don't feel like I need to understand the experience of having an impact on a child in that way. I know I will be such a fun aunt and whatever I am to some family members. I know I am meant to have an impact on so many others.

The curse that my parents warned me about- and may have warned you about is not a curse. You should never feel bad about who you are. You are meant to be here each and every day because you have worth simply by being. Take a day off. Rest. Treat yourself to something delicious because you deserve it. Go lay down on a rock in the sun and be a lizard. You deserve all the goodness this world has to offer. There is no curse. Release all the pressure that people put on you to be who they want you to be. Align with your true self and focus on who you want to be and the rest will align.