How to open up

This is a theme in therapy these past couple weeks. I have been having a very hard time opening up to people, letting them know when I need help and even when I need support. I can tell people when I need space, but never when I am feeling weak.

Part of that to me feels like I am scared to feel that I need help or that I will not be loved if I am looking or being presented as weak. Asking for help is not a weakness I am learning but a strength.

I have been going through the ups and downs of life since I can remember but always tell people I am "fine" or I am "good" as a generic response, but when they ask me what is new, I never have anything outside of work or my workout schedule to tell them.

I am really struggling to even write this because it feels too self exposing.

I can do hard things. Something that I wish someone would ask me, honestly is not anything more than what can I do for you? How can I support you?

I don't know if I know the answer to it even, but not feeling alone in this crazy world is something that I am still struggling with this week. I found a way to find a shoulder to lean on a bit more, my bestie and I had a really good conversation this weekend. I even showed some people my drawings.

I have told people about my dreams, my goals and my hobbies and that really did help me to feel more seen.

I think I hide myself from people out of fear of judgment but crave the approval and praise that I get from them. Maybe it is the approval or maybe it is to be seen for who I am and not the parts that I only allow people to see.

Being a whole person is what we all strive to be, well rounded, and knowing that people are our cup of tea or not. Not everyone has to like us, or even care about us. That is something that I have been doing a lot better lately- not trying to caretake everyone and letting things sit and settle without having to force anything and that honestly has been so beneficial for me.

My focus has been to even say things out loud to myself to ensure that I know that my voice is worth being heard, to clear my throat chakra and remind myself that I am worthy. Even things as simple as no, that is not meant for me. My manifestations are something that I have found easier to say out loud because it is positive and it moves me forward, but things that I want to let go of, feel harder to say aloud.

No one is perfect, things take time to change. And you will continue to make mistakes, you will forget to do something for yourself or a compromise that you do for someone else will feel like you lost more than something that was equal, but at the end of the day, forgive yourself. No one is perfect and no one should expect you to be. Eat good food, continue to spread love into the world and listen to your body. It is the host of your soul- it gets you from A to Z every day. Reward it with water, physical activity, and rest.

What is something that I want someone to ask me? Am I really happy? Am I really healed?

Each day is another opportunity to find your own happiness, find your community and to work on your healing journey. It is not linear, so don't treat it that way.

Each day I choose to be happier than the last, do something for myself each day, even if it is saying no, and that I am further along in my healing journey than I was yesterday.