Closure

A lot of people seem to be surprised when I tell them a bit about my recent history.

"Oh wow, are you okay" I usually get- a lot.

yes of course, I am on the other side of the mountain that was me.

There is a lot of relationships that end this way, with families or significant others. For me I had two pretty big endings last year. Both coming to the point where I feel I am in my closure point of it.

The disrespect at the end was louder than any good memory we ever had...that is what it feels like. Once they start pilling up on top of each other the disrespect does get louder. It starts in your heart, feeling heavy and causing you to start to drag a bit. Your smile dims and your eyes tend to look to the ground more.

It then moves to your throat, causing you to be unable to speak up for yourself or think it is not worth saying due to the fact that it is only going to hurt you more to hear the answer.

It ends in your head, saying you deserve these things, being treated with disrespect and that the good memories will be the last that you have.

And that is where the fork in the road hits.

You make a choice.

To keep going down that road, and get even more lost in the sadness and disrespect, eventually losing respect for yourself as well.

or

You can go back. You can always turn around and choose yourself.

You remind your brain that you deserve to be treated well. That the disrespect is not what you deserve and to give yourself some kindness.

You go back to your throat and speak the things that you were too afraid to say. You release the stress and the pain that you were holding back.

Then you find your way back into your own heart. You find safety in yourself and you find the end of that relationship. You can trust yourself, you can trust your heart and you choose yourself.

Your past self is thankful, they are celebrating their joy now- independently. I am so proud of you. It is never easy to choose yourself, especially in matters of love. You need to choose what is best for you, even if it hurts someone else.

At the end of the day, someone else's sadness can swallow you whole. You can choose to fight back whenever you want, even from the belly of the beast.

I chose 27 years into a relationship and 6 years into a committed relationship. There is always going to be a reason not to, but eventually you will find the point to which you are done.

That is the moment you made the decision. Congratulations, you can start anew.