Tuning into the Divine Feminine

In this phase of life, I have been working on turning into the divine feminine and allowing myself to not be as involved in the controlling aspects that the sacred masculine holds. For most of my life, I feel as though I was in the sacred masculine in order to have some peace of mind. In order to protect myself from the things I was experiencing, that is what was needed.

Lately, I have been receiving continuous guidance to tune into the feminine—to let go of control. I am safe and able to be with my feelings. There are many parts of the Divine Feminine that we can possess. Please note that this is not about anything other than the energy that you are giving into the world. It is our yin/yang, our shakti/shiva.

Receptive + Open

To me, this is something that was very easy to let go of and be open to. I learned that people who are the most intelligent are always receptive to new ideas, new people, and anything that comes our way. A gentle mind shift from being decisive and, for me, needing to be correct or right is what really helped align this in my body. Being open includes your mind as well as being open with your emotions, ideas, and to people who come our way. To be open to the idea of what they can bring to us, how we can help support them—all of it.

Open is more of what I struggle with—I have a hard time being open to people. I blame it on my rising sign being Scorpio. I need to trust people to let them in; I need to control experiences. Lately, I am learning what can happen once I let myself be more open. I am planting those seeds and watering them daily, turning to my intuition to help with being more open.

Intuitive

Intuition and being intuitive are something that some people do not really believe much in or think it is a "hippy/granola" thing. This is a mindset that has helped me have the most growth within the last two years. Meditating nightly, trusting and listening to my gut, allowing the universe to take control, and letting my intuition guide me with signs.

Numbers can sometimes play tricks on me with having OCD (or according to T. Jenn—maybe just fun little quirks that I have now). I get a little obsessive and fixated on things. Ya know—just girlie things! Anyway, numbers can play tricks on me; however, my friend MG reminded me that it is what I am thinking about when I see those numbers that has the most impact. Those numbers will come to you when you need reminders of what they mean in order to redirect or to continue you on that path. I have been receiving so many good numerical reminders lately. Trusting your intuition is something that is a learning process when you let go of control and allow yourself to get into the flow of life. To remind yourself that things come in cycles and not everything is linear.

Cyclical

Cyclical versus linear is where the feminine and masculine tend to take a bit more shape—for lack of a better phrase. There are things that should be linear, have natural progression, hitting milestones, and be on some kind of timeline. Where the feminine energy comes in is with things that come through cycles, not just women's hormone cycles, but seasons, feelings, growth patterns, and making plans for change. There are so many processes that people do not think are cyclical and try to make them linear; grief and growth are two big ones.

I was talking with T. Jenn about how I am at the peak of my current mountaintop, awaiting to decide in which direction I can go next. I could go back down the same way that I came, or I could go down a new side and find my next peak to climb. As I start heading to my next peak, I can trust myself to ask for what I need, to do what is best for me, and I know my support system is there for whenever I need them. Whenever I am in doubt, I have the ability to express my emotions, dance, and be creative.

Creative

Creativity is something that I have been diving into so much thanks to TS. Over a year ago, I got back into drawing, doodling, making stickers, t-shirts, hats, all of it. It is something that I truly have been able to build a little community in. By purchasing my friends' stickers and sharing them with people who are allies or in the LGBTQIA community, I have found spaces to allow others to be seen, heard, or validated in many settings.

Even this last Sunday, I was able to give some to this random group of people who were talking about politics, and once they hit the table with passion and apologized, I said, "No worries, this is great eavesdropping conversation, please continue. I support everything you are talking about." I left them some you are safe to sit with me pride stickers. I have also made some mood boards and goofy stickers that make me and my friends laugh. I have made sweatshirts for me and MG to remind each other to be positive and to be kind, that we are enough, and other good self-care reminders.

Self-Care + Being | Emotion + Feeling

I have been pushing myself almost aggressively to do this in ways where I need to remember to also have days where I rest with my self-care. Being is something that I have been able to excel at as well—trying to take things day by day and to enjoy the moment that I am in. Whenever people ask me how I am, I always say "taking it day by day" because that is truly all I can do: be me in the current moment and take it from there.

Recently, my self-care has been focused on exercise and spending time with people. I know that I need people very desperately. When I am stuck on something, I need to talk it out and hear the opinions of people who matter to me. They help remind me to take care of myself. I am the only one who I can control, and for me to be.

My emotions were once in control of me, and now once I can acknowledge them and name them, they lose their control quite a bit. I used to need a feelings wheel and have someone tell me to step back and ask where I feel it in my body, and now I am able to process emotions in minutes and understand what is happening in my body. I got some news yesterday about one of my favorite people in my family needing to get tested for some form of cancer, and my whole body felt numb, and I could feel my chin and eyebrows start to do their thing. I let them—not needing to control the emotion allowed me to feel it and think about what I can do instead to help them as they are going through this, no matter the diagnosis.

Magnetic | Seductive | Flowing

Magnetic and seductive do not necessarily go hand in hand, but I am going to combine them for the sake of time, as writing a whole paragraph about me working on being seductive doesn't fit well with the vibes of the blog.

Being magnetic involves an abundance of love and the openness to share it with others. It encompasses having a welcoming and warm energy, creating a safe space where people feel comfortable being themselves. It means attracting things that are coming your way because you are authentic and charismatic.

Seductive is what a lot of people think about when they consider women's energy, what society has told us we need to be in order to attract someone who will want to spend their lives with us, or the night—whatever floats your boat! When I have been rebuilding this, it has been a growth journey. I had reached a point in my life where I thought there was nothing I could do to get the attention of my old partner. There was nothing that I could do to have them feel seduced. That broke me in a way that I am still healing from. I am also finding new ways that I am seduced as well. That is the fun in this journey—learning more about your own needs and wants while being able to learn about another as well.

Flowing reminds me of my dance class. It has given me the opportunity to not only heal my inner child through dance but also to find my body throughout the space around me. I am flowing when I am being creative—finding that time tends to go by more quickly than I was expecting and having a focused energy. To be in a state of flow is totally focusing on the thing that you are doing and being content and happy with it- that nothing else in the world matters at that time. I was dancing out at a Karaoke night/Drag show with JK and some others. I was able to fall into such a beautiful state of flow- not worrying about what people around me thought and was just dancing with you. Truly haven't been able to experience something so effortless in my whole life. Thank you for that- truly.

Relationship Orientated

OHHHH BOY!

Ha- this is not that type of blog where I give you names or personal information about anyone other than when the whole blog is dedicated to them. This does not always mean a romantic partner, it can also mean friends and family. Focusing on those relationships are definitely a priority of mine. JK and I have been becoming a lot closer, which fills my heart up with so much joy. I even find myself using RuPaul quotes that she likes when I am around other people. True friendship moment.

I have been saying that I am in my "go alone" era and doing all of these things by myself which has been good for me. I have actually been driving and getting out of the house a lot more than I did before. I have been enjoying focusing on my relationships around me. I can also tell that there is someone who is captivating quite a bit of my thoughts when I am not in my flow state that I will need to figure out at some point. Until now, you can live in my head rent free. Enjoy.

Summary

Everyone should have a balance between masculine and feminine energy. There are times in our lives when we need to move from one energetic state to the other. There are great ways to grow throughout all of these pieces of femininity. There is also greatness in the masculine: decisive, intellectual, linear, purpose, leadership, doing and action, conscious and presence, thinking, dominant and protective, dedicated and driven, structured, and task-oriented. Find your balance and what you need currently in your life, and everything will flow the exact way that it needs to.