Some Weeks Hit Harder Than Others

Reflecting on a Rollercoaster Week

This week has been one of the most rollercoaster days that I have had in a long time. I am changing my supplements, waiting for updates from doctors, and trying to see what my body can do on its own without the support of hormones and other things that I used to need to keep it going. It has been a weird week filled with feelings of depression, restlessness, and the creeping back of my OCD symptoms.

Struggles with Control and OCD

Trying to regain control throughout this process has been a real struggle. I need to talk about my OCD symptoms for an hour or more each week, which is incredibly triggering. I have to remind myself to give myself some grace in order to put those thoughts to rest.

Navigating Valentine's Day as a Single Person

Being single for the first time in 7 years on Valentine's Day is honestly a weird feeling too. However, I am excited to do exactly what I want to do—go on a nice walk, cook myself something fun, and play video games. While it feels strange doing these things alone, I find that part of it is actually helpful. My self-love will overcome the discomfort, bringing me closer to myself and allowing me to feel the love that I deserve. I know I am full of love and can give myself the best love that I need for this moment in time.

A Shift in Perspective on Valentine's Day

In the past, Valentine's Day was my favorite holiday. Growing up in a family that provided only conditional love, this day was an opportunity for me to give the world my unconditional love freely and authentically. I would give sweet treats, write cute notes, and be surrounded by love. It was a beautiful day that I honestly looked forward to all year, eagerly anticipating the chance to give Valentines to everyone in my class or my roommates.

Embracing Authentic Love Daily

This year, however, feels a little different. I feel like I am giving authentic love every day—ensuring that the people in my life know exactly how I feel without them having to question anything. I am working on expressing my feelings out loud instead of relying on letters or texts. My friend JK knows that I have been focusing on this, and I have been able to express my feelings more openly to her. It is a great way to practice in such a safe space.

Showing up for yourself no matter how you are feeling

After this week, I have been able to give myself a lot of time to do what my body has been telling me to do—sleep, rest, write, and process.

Sleeping has always been something that I do when I feel overwhelmed or when I need to process. It puts me in a better headspace. I was lacking sleep by over 5 hours this week, and since finally catching up on it, I am able to feel a lot better in my mindset.

Resting, I know I cannot rest to save my life sometimes; however, I have been trying to find rest in reading, journaling, and other things to give me a more peaceful mind.

Writing, writing is always something that helps me feel and show up for myself. I did not write for a long time because I was never able to have my thoughts be private—they were always read by someone, even if that is not what I wanted. A topic for another day. Writing has given me back the control of my mind and putting my feelings back out into the world in a safe way and through this blog, a bit more of a public platform.

Processing my feelings can show up in many ways for me. All of the above helps me to process, including talking to my family and friends about things, as well as using my tarot cards.

This week, we had a big shift come our way. I was very overwhelmed, and upon reflecting and looking at my vision board, I broke into tears. I am in the right place at the right time. Everything I have worked so hard to do and get is exactly where I need it to be. I am balanced within the divine feminine and masculine, with nothing to hide. I completed a cycle, and I need to celebrate my accomplishments and reap the rewards of my hard work. I am going to continue to express my love and creativity, open to beauty in all forms, allowing myself to receive love. The opportunity for love is near or about to enter.

No matter what this season of life brings for me, I know I am open, authentic, and allowing myself to be balanced. I am continuing to be creative and showing up in everything that I am doing with love.

Enjoy your Valentine's Day no matter what your plans are, surround yourself with people you love <3