Negative thoughts

Journal Prompt #46: What are your most reoccurring negative thoughts?

Negative thoughts are something that I have thankfully been working on though out this journey. A journey it has been as well.

Something that I have been struggling with since I was a little kid is the fact that I am not enough. No matter what I do, say, feel, love, I never felt like I was doing enough. It was exhausting to try and keep pushing through that feeling. How can a child feel that type of way about themselves? Feeling that they need to do more to be loved, more to be enough instead of existing and trying your best being enough.

It was so difficult to work through that, to finally feel that I can rest, I can say no to people and things that I really do not want to do. Freeing is really the feeling that it is. I am trying to encourage others around me to do the same thing. To be their true selves, take care of themselves and to not only acknowledge when they are pushing themselves and allowing themselves to rest.

Resting is not something that is easy to do by any means. It is something that we will constantly be working on.

It is the same with reoccurring thoughts- it is something that we give power to when we agree with them. When we even ask the negative thought to give us an example, it is something we are typically insecure about but that no one has really ever said that we are bad at, or are not doing well.

When I would ask myself why I am not enough, it would say things like "nothing you ever do is right", "People do not want to spend time with you", "Your friends do not like you, you are too loud, you are xyz."

It was hurtful, to hear that from my best friend, the one person I cannot escape, me. Imagine that the negative thoughts are you and the part that is hearing them is your best friend. How would your friend feel? Would they want to be friends with you? So do not give it any power.

One thing you can say to the thoughts are, "that isn't helpful, thank you though" or "that doesn't feel true to me, why would you say that to me, I thought we were friends". These are truly just thoughts, when we tell them they are right is when we give them power, when we challenge them, we invite them to leave our safe space, our home.

I am lucky enough to have been diagnosed with a mental health disorder that I am working very diligently to grow out of. With some help of supplements, EMDR, and CBT therapy, my therapist said now I am like a normal person with some special quirks.

My quirks are my ticks or sometimes not being able to control my thoughts, but progressive muscle relaxation and reminding myself that I am not my thoughts, they do not control me. All really help me get out of that space.

Now I am not a doctor and suggesting any of this will work for you; however, I have seen the most progress in my life with not using pharmaceuticals, yoga, therapy, walking/exercise and staying true to what I learned on this journey so far. The universe has a plan for me. I am no longer in a rush to do anything, so rest can be made space for and I do not settle for anything less than the best that I deserve.

I have seen such an impact on my health, my happiness, and how I show up every day. Not every day is perfect, there are days when there is a lot of feelings and sometimes where I do not get enough sleep and those days are really hard.

Rest, recalibrate and try again the next day. Everything is happening for a reason and there will be a time for everything. Rushing will not make anything happen fast, it will feed the anxiety and make you anxious.

Take your time, flowers don't grow overnight. You need to water those seeds for them to grow. You are doing great friend, keep it up!