Anticipation

The Weight of Anticipation

Do you ever find yourself caught in the throes of anticipation, where the energy of waiting, whether for something exciting or daunting, consumes you? I certainly do.

Finding Balance in Anticipatory Energy

On one hand, there’s the thrill of upcoming adventures: traveling, reuniting with friends, or even the simple joy of receiving a package in the mail. These moments spark excitement and joy.

On the other hand, there’s the weight of "bad" anticipatory energy that often comes with new situations. I tend to lean toward the negative, and I’m actively working to shift that perspective. I focus on what I can control, channeling that energy through exercise and writing.

Writing has always been my sanctuary. It provides the space and time I need to process my thoughts and feelings. There’s something cathartic about visually seeing my emotions unfold on the page; it’s a method that resonates deeply with how I navigate my internal landscape.

The Countdown to the Race

As I prepare for an upcoming race, I’ve noticed a mounting pressure to perform. It’s hard to believe I’m even participating in this event, and now I feel the need to prove to myself that I’m capable of achieving something like this. It’s a strange mix of excitement and self-doubt.

During my run today, I recalled a conversation with my friend Hannah.

I had jokingly told her that she should be concerned for my mental health if I ever signed up for a half marathon. But now, with the race looming, I realize she has no reason to worry. Running has transformed my relationship with my city and, more importantly, with myself. It has pushed my body and mind beyond their previous limits, granting me far more than it has taken- mostly just time.

Gratitude for Support and New Experiences

I’m grateful for friends who encouraged me to take this leap. The race will involve solo travel, a scenic train ride, and the majestic mountains, elements I adore and experiences that challenge me to step out of my comfort zone.

A Shift in Mental Clarity

Recently, I made some changes to my supplements, and I’ve noticed a significant improvement in my mental health. The voices in my head that once clamored for attention have quieted, allowing me to navigate daily life with greater ease. I find myself enjoying life more fully, though my sleep patterns have shifted. I struggle to fall asleep earlier and find it harder to rise with the sun. Life has been tossing me around, keeping me up later than I’d like, which leaves me feeling unproductive. But that’s a story for another time.

Preparing for the Starting Line

As I grapple with my anticipation, I remind myself that while I can’t control these feelings, I can prepare for what lies ahead. My mind and body are signaling that it’s time to get ready. When I finally stand at that starting line, I want to feel ready and confident for whatever those two hours will bring.